Ahhh….potatoes. How do I love thee? Mashed, hashed, boiled, baked, roasted, stewed, souped, salad, pancaked, chipped and best of all fried. With you we make dumplings, pasta, and bread. You even make a cute little toy, Mr. Potato Head. You are the Big Daddy of all vegetables. You even saved an entire country once, Superman. Is there anything that a potato can’t do?
The lowly spud can:
1. Safely remove broken a light bulb by cutting off the top of a raw potato and shove it onto the broken glass, twist and unscrew the bulb.
2. Cure common warts by rubbing a raw potato over until it is covered with the juice. Repeat daily until the wart is gone. Be sure to discard the used potato....ewwww!
3. Soothe minor skin burns and painful afflicted areas (arthritis, swelling, bruises, scratches, cuts and bug bites). Make a poultice (now that is a word my grandmother used) by shredding the potato into very, very fine pieces to make a paste. Apply the paste to the burn or afflicted areas and leave it undisturbed for a few minutes until you feel relief.
4. Remove some salt from your soup or stew: just toss in a slice of potato. Set aside for 10 minutes then remove the potato. It will absorb some of the extra salt. Use the potato for potato salad, yum!
5. Make a battery. I did this in Chemistry class, but I have forgotten how. Something about creating a complete circuit with wires stuck into the potato.
6. Remove tarnish on silverware. Boil some potatoes, reserving liquid. Soak your silverware in this liquid for 1 hour. Remove silverware and wash. The tarnish should be gone. I must admit, I have never tried this, but my cousin swears by it. The next time you make mashed potatoes, save the water and polish your silver. That’s a tip that would make Martha proud.
7. Make a hot or cold compress. Potatoes retain heat and cold well. The next time you need a hot compress, nuke a potato in the microwave, wrap it in a towel, and apply to the area. Refrigerate or freeze a cooked potato if you need a cold compress.
8. Make mock maple syrup (recipe below).
9. And the drum roll please……..my favorite way to use a potato is to make vodka. Grain products and sugar beet molasses are used to create vodka, but potatoes are one of the main sources of vodka, too.
My hat is off to you, Tater. You are delicious and yet practical. There is not and can never be another replacement.
Mock Maple Syrup
You will be amazed at the similarity.
Yield: about 2 cups
6 medium potatoes
2 cups water
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar (light or dark)
1. Peel potatoes. Place in a saucepan with the water. Bring to a boil and cook until only one cup of fluid remains. Remove the potatoes and reserve for another use.
2. Stir the sugars in the one cup of potato water until completely dissolved. Bring back to a boil. Remove from heat and let cool completely.
3. Put the syrup in a bottle or container and store at room temperature for several days to mature. Use as maple syrup.
–from the book Wilderness Wife, by Bradford and Vena Angier
Loaded Mashed Potatoes
This recipe is a marriage of my two favorite dishes: loaded baked potatoes and garlic mashed potatoes. These two were meant for each other: may they live happily ever after.
4-6 servings
4 Russet potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks
1 1/2 pounds red potatoes, scrubbed clean and cut into chunks (the same size as Russets)
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter or margarine
4 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup sour cream
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
8 slices bacon, cooked crisp and crumbled
1/4 cup chopped chives or green onion tops
pepper to taste
1. Place potatoes in a large pot and cover with cold water; add salt. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook until potatoes are fork-tender about 12-15 minutes, being careful not to over cook (potatoes should still retain shape, but a chunk can be crushed with a pair of tongs). Drain completely in a colander.
2. Return potatoes to the cooking pot and place back over low heat, shaking the pan so all the surface water can evaporate.
3. While potatoes cook, melt butter in a small saucepan; add garlic and cook over low heat just until garlic softens.
4. Add cream to the garlic butter and heat through.
5. Remove cream mixture from heat and stir in sour cream.
6. When potatoes are cooked and dry, add butter/sour cream mixture to the pot while mashing with a potato masher to blend all the ingredients and achieve a light texture, being careful not to over mix (or potatoes may become gummy).
7. Taste and adjust the seasonings with salt and pepper. (Can be made to this point and kept warm in a double boiler over simmering water or covered and placed in a warm oven.)
8. Just before serving, stir in cheese and bacon. Spoon into a serving dish and top with chives.
Tips: My mother taught me when making mashed potatoes, plan for 1 medium potato per person plus one extra for the pot. Those measurements have always worked for me. How easy is this tip to remember!
Making mashed potatoes is not an exact science because the amount of liquid to add is incumbent upon how much water the potatoes absorbed as they were cooking, but a good rule of thumb to follow is 1/4 cup dairy per pound of potatoes.
For easy removal of bacon slices, roll the whole package into a cylinder beginning with the short end; unroll and pieces will “peel” off each other better. If you only use bacon occasionally, separate into individual slices, wrap each piece in plastic wrap, and place wrapped pieces in a zip top freezer bag. When a recipe calls for a few slices of bacon, remove only as many as needed.
To cook bacon: Remove desired number of slices from package in one piece. Chop or cut through all slices into small pieces with kitchen scissors or a knife. Fry over medium-low heat, separating pieces as they cook. Cook until crisp and golden brown.
Chives are a member of the onion family but have a much milder flavor. Snip fresh chives with kitchen scissors to desired length. Store fresh chives in a plastic bag in the refrigerator up to 1 week.
